notes on a new chapter

a few little updates

Mural outside of the Macarty House in the Bywater district — where my department spent our three-day retreat.

+ back in late May, I started a new job with a national nonprofit.

+ I was anxious and unsettled taking this job — I had sworn to myself that I wouldn’t work for a nonprofit ever again. Why take this oath? Partly because of the ways in which nonprofits co-opt movement work, or worse, become complicit with dark forces that work against liberation. Partly, because my experience with nonprofits has been, to be gracious: awful.

+ If you’ve spent time in the nonprofit sector, you know what I mean: workplaces that demand you sacrifice your body to the work (low pay, no/not great benefits, inability to honor “work-life balance”), workplaces that feel like “family” — and I mean that in the most toxic, manipulative, and unhinged way, and workplaces that are far too focused on how they seem rather than how they be or do.

+ All that to say, I was dreading taking this job, but my back was against the wall. Capitalism holds a gun to your head. I was subbing, summer was approaching. I found myself in real need of money and medical care. I didn’t have an option. On paper, it was a good job: remote, nice salary, benefits, 5 weeks PTO. And it was work I do care about. I was surprised to be offered the position — I feel my experience doesn’t really match up to the scale required at a national level, but I accepted.

+ Turns out, I’m pretty decent at the job. I like the work and I feel like I have good boundaries between my role and my real life. I have several bosses, all are great at what they do and good to the people they lead. Remote work keeps all these folks in their boxes (literally: Zoom boxes), and the only time we talk is about work — conversation is almost never personal, which I honestly really dig.

+ My team is much further along in their own journeys: every day I learn more from them about what liberation looks like. I’m so happy to not be in a leadership position. I’m so happy to be learning, to feel led, and to not be “the guy.” Part of leaving Greenville was a desire to remove myself from perceived leadership and enter a time of learning. Here, I’ve found that.

+ Last week, my job hosted an All Staff Retreat in NOLA for three days, which was followed by a three day retreat with just my department. I cannot tell you how afraid I was. Every personal insecurity felt like an itch. And the most terrifying prospect: would getting to know these people or this organization more fully lead me to another cul-de-sac of disappointment?

+ I’m home after six days with my team + an additional two days of a Zoom retreat with some truly amazing educators and I can’t believe I’m saying this but: I love my colleagues. Not in a way that’s like “let’s start a group chat and be besties,” but in a way that feels rooted in something akin to honor. Our time together was undergirded by principled struggle in a way I have never experienced before. My brain feels on fire with the possibilities that emerge when folks who are doing the work build spaces of love and rigor.

- Anyways, I’ve been quiet here as I settled into my new job for the past two months, but I’m back and eager to update you all frequently with all I’m learning during this special chapter of life. Thanks for coming along for the ride. Love y’all!